Lemonade,

so much has happened to me in the past week.
a rollercoaster of emotion after emotion.
feelings of anger and complete hopelessness.
but ive come to realize that isnt something i really want to talk about,
i dont want to talk about pain or change.

i want to talk about you.

i want to talk about you because you are the only thing that doesnt change.
Love remains the same.
its the only thing i can count on to still be there at the end of the day, whether that day is good or bad.

you're all i think about, all i dream about.
i couldnt get through a day without speaking to you, and whenever im unsure when ill be able to i freak out.

one day you said to me "im scared you'll find someone else and want to be with him",
and i told you that wouldnt happen.
the truth is no one really knows what will happen.
i cant promise forever, i cant even promise tomorrow.
but i can promise that ill always love you and always want to be with you, even if i cant.

we will have eachother forever,
you're stuck with me, kid :)

you make me angry and annoy the crap out of me, make me smile and feel like flying all at the same time.
i think thats special.

there is so much i want for us,
so many plans, dreams, and schemes.
and i want all of them,
like i want all of you,
because im giving you all of me.

right now, and forever

so relieved,

i just wanted to post alittle update on my life right now:

i think its time for a new beginning.
so thats what im going to do
=]

time to make new friends,
become a better friend with the old,
try new things, and just be a better person

id like to take some classes,
like art, creative writing, voice, and piano

start writing again
stop taking things for granted so much
why am i shunning all the stuff i love??
its so dumb of me

its going to be summer soon
already im feeling the energy in my bones for adventure

i want to leave this place and never come back
i want to believe in me again
i want to wear pretty dresses, and makeup and smile
i want to dye my hair pink again

im reverting back to the old me
=]

2 days and counting,

really i have done nothing but cry and sleep for the past 3 days.
i dont want to talk to anyone anymore.


i dont want to breath

1 day and counting,

soooo i think i should be nominated for the 'BEST WEEK EVER' award
someone call VH1.

friday, March 6 was supposed to be one of the greatest nights of the new spring season.
the first MVP show in a while that everyone went to, plus it was warm enough to be cute.
i was ready to make my appearance
get things started for the spring and summer seasons
the lovely mr. phillips (most trusted male friend) had even picked me up for the occasion.
everything felt exactly as it was suppsed to.
i was on top of it once again.

until certain events.
in a single night everything about my life completely changed.
mine and my mothers relationship became strained,
i lost my best friend,
im not aloud to see my love for who knows how long,
and im completely shut off from the world since my mom took my phone and im not aloud to leave the house.

amazing how things dont always go like you plan, huh?

times right now seem unfortunate,
but i remain hopeful.

summer is mine.
that wont change for anything.
ill rise again, dont worry.

and ill be better than ever.





you seem to forget im the one who created you,
i can destroy you just as easily

you shouldnt under estimate me

hollywood hills and suburban thrills

and no im not kidding anyone.


im uneasy,
restless,
a nagging feeling in my stomach.

i hate it.
i need reassurance.
i need comfort.
i need 20$

anyone know a creative way to ask your mom for 20$?
haha

but am i brave enough to do it?
even if im 90% sure of the answer?
could my heart last the 3 minutes that could determine everything?

ignorance is indeed bliss.
but not knowing is torture.

snow in march,

in macon, GA of all places.
a great way to start off the month
=]

i spent the day outside
i didnt care how cold it was
with the boy i love
and the friends i adore

everything was so beautiful.

and though the white is gone and melted for the most part
i will remember.

and i will melt too