if only i had known.

if only i had known,
that this would be the end,
i would have done a lot of things different.
if i had known, that would be the last night we slept together,
i would have given you more room.
if i had known, that would be the last night we were intimate,
i would have made it last longer.
if i had known, that would be our last kiss,
i would have let the world watch.
if i had known, that was the last smile i'd see,
i would have tried harder to make it stay.
if i had known, that was the last movie we'd watch,
i would have sat in your lap.
if i had known, that was the last time id hear you laugh,
i would have memorized the sound.
if i had known, that be the last time i could comfort you,
i would have held you all night.
if i had known, that would be the last time you said i love you,
i would have said it back.

there are a lot of things i wish i had done,
wish i hadnt,
wish i still could.

i knew eventually this would come,
and yet i was still too prideful to care.
i always assumed if this happened,
it would be easier.
its not. not at all.

i said i wouldnt cry this time,
but saying and doing are two different things,
cause tears come anyway.

when im mad i dont like to say things,
which is why i dont,
but that doesnt mean it isnt true.
i dont want tomorrow to come,
and you think that i dont love you.
because i dont know what will happen tomorrow,
so you should know what i do know now,
and that is that i do love you,
and i always have,
and i always will.
and that i still think you are beautiful,
and you should know that too.

im glad you care about me,
and i hope that maybe you will for awhile.

you cant erase the bad,
without altering the good,
and id like to hold onto the good for as long as i can.
to keep me warm and safe,
in the place of where your body used to lay.