The trees get wheeled away,

im beginning to realize a pattern.


you know my mom used to tell me all the time that i was born for a reason.
that god sent me to her at the exact time that she needed something to save her.
that if it wasnt for me she'd probably be dead.
she used to tell me that through out my Deedee's life she had been mostly unhappy.
the only thing that brought her unconditional joy was me.
and in the last few years of her life it was perfect timing.

funny if all this is true,
cause it seems i didnt get much out of the deal.
from the time i was small ive lived for other people.
brought me great happiness for the most part.
i like to know i can make people happy.
but it always ends with a great sacrifice for myself.

atleast i knew/know they truly loved and cared about me the whole time.
my whole life.
the only 2 people who ever have.

i let myself get walked on by everyone, almost daily.
just so they will be happier.

since you were one of the single most important people in my life, it goes without saying i gave up a lot of my own happiness to make sure you were happy.
that for once in your life you felt like you had someone there for you who cared and loved you.

guess i should have seen the way it would end though.
lots of pain and heart ache.
its how it always is for me.

i was born to live for other people, to make other people happy.
to make sure other people are good and live great lives or die happy.

there have been a few people like that in the past.
and if i remember correctly, they all died.

so it seems i have a lot to look forward to.

why everything thats happened surprised me, i dont know.
cause ive seen it all before.

but at least i knew they loved and cared about me unconditionately the whole time.

unlike you.

so we've gone from not much to nothing at all.


you're welcome.