yeah im a feminist,

sorry fellas.

a number of things could have caused this:
my moms uber feminism,
her being bi sexual and interacting with lesbians on a day to day basis,
never having a real dad,
having a plethora of fucked up step dads (3 to be exact),
having an alcoholic grandfather,
seeing abuse everywhere,
being abused,
having my own share of asshole boyfriends.

alot huh, so what would you expect?

ive never seen a man do something for a women she couldnt do herself.
or could even do better.

thats what i live by.

i think you need us alot more than we need you

Fairy Tale Dreams,

lets laugh and smile
under baby blue skies.
lets run in cool sand, and splash in foamy waves.
lets play and sing
like children
lets take pictures and make memories
of love and happiness
lets hold on to one another and kiss
under beams of pink and orange
lets sink into eachother
like the sun sinks into the sea.

i feel like screaming

loud.
letting sound rip through my chest.
rip through my soul.

hearts accelerating
head turning,
twirling.
catching glimpses of mid summer nights and pre-thunderstorm dreams.

lungs burning,
bursting.
under cool midnight air.
ears ringing
like the song of a thousand mocking birds.

escape.
release.
a runaway.

collapse.

i feel like screaming.

ooohh-may-guh-low-mayn-eee-ack

half hearted but oh so charming


been singing and humming absent mindedly all day
must be in a good mood.
(mindedly isnt a word)

im in huge need of a hair cut,
hopefully this time they'll get it right so i dont cry.

im starting to realize that some people are more my friends than others.
im getting new friends.
its a fun and interesting thing
=]
ive realized i had stronger feelings for one person
more than i had originally thought at the time.
though it doesnt make much of a difference now.

there are 3 people id like to say i love you too today
=]

im going to north carolina friday,
and im hoping a certain person will go with me.

i need a prom dress.

i need to get over you.
you shouldnt have this power over me

drugs are bad. dont do them. (weed and alcohol are fine however. even shrooms if you feel so obligated)

peer pressure is stupid because it doesnt exist in less you're an idiot.

im a lioness and he looks like a lion and likes felines.
i think thats funny and ironic.

i dont eat very much.
and yet i havent lost any weight.
but i havent gained any either. so its whatever.

this is completely pointless.


Peace<3

for you.

Don't tell me.
You're done for.
I don't need to hear.
You're done for.
You can tell me what you are running from.
I need you,
More than you need you.
I can see you're really really running.
Can I ask you where you gonna run to?
And you think you're really really funny.
well I don't think your funny as you do.
We all feel like we're breaking sometime.
But I won't give you up tonight

Stay awake.
Stay awake survive.
I've got nineteen stars that I,
Gave your name, tonight.
I wanna scream.
Wanna scream your name.
Starlight,
My life can save.
You're my wish tonight.

Don't tell me,
It doesn't matter.
I'll tell you,
What matters.
Bare feet in the summer.
Open windows at night.
You think that no one needs you.
You have nothing to see through.
Well I need you.
No one can catch me,
The way that you catch me.
The way that you keep me when I'm out of time.
What if I need you?
When I can't see you?
And I'm running out of life.

Please...

God,

ive completely lost it.


im officially in full freak out mode.



exactly how bad do you have to get to warrant a hospital stay?
cause im pretty sure im there.

no subject;;

the past 3 years ive been overly concerned about my weight.

yeah i know, "why are you complaining? your 5'6 and 120 pounds. chill the fuck out."

but no matter what you say to try to convince me, im always going to be self conscience of my "puge"

but now im thinking about things alittle better.

im talking to a girl right now,
shes 18,
5'8,
and 98 pounds.

if someone had come up to me and told me about this girl, and at first glance at her pictures i would've said "lucky bitch. i wish i had her body" and then would have not ate for the rest of the day.

but after examining her pictures, ive begun to rethink some things.
her thinness isnt as beautiful as i had imagined.
instead of striking and fragile, she just looks sick, boney, and cold.

and i wanted to look like this.
i thought "5'6 and 100 pounds. Perfect!"
but now i see i was alittle off.

tho im still not comfortable with my body, ive finally begun to appreciate my curves and womanly shape.
some girls cant have that at all.

maybe this is a sort of liberation.
i suppose we'll see