i felt like destroying something beautiful,

i love this movie
one of my favorite scenes and my favorite quotes.

burn bright,

i am not christian.
i am not atheist.

i don't know, but really neither do you.

but i still hold the values i was taught as a girl.

i believe you should live the way you want to make you happy,
whatever it is.
life's to short to waste on slavery and limits.
but i do not believe by any circumstance you should hurt others.
at least not with intention.

i may not associate myself with any religion, but i do very much believe in god.
i don't believe he is as divinely terrible as the book says
but i do believe he has power.

i do believe the good are rewarded and the wicked are punished.

some would think it strange, but though i don't believe in heaven, i do believe hell is a real place.


and i think your time will come.


you can run on for a long time,
run on for a long time,
sooner or later God'll cut you down.
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

lake effect kid,

its simply magic how one small thing can put your life in perspective

i just got news that Fall Out Boy is releasing a new record Nov. 4
such a small thing, but im almost teary with happiness
because now i know everything is right.

it gives me a hope that i cant explain.
its been so long since ive had everything i wanted
the last time i felt this happy was 4 years ago
When i heard Fall Out Boy for the first time.
it was a time in my life that i had everything,
a family, lots of friends, adventure, and a bright outlook on everything

alot has happened in the past 4 years to change all that
while there have been times that ill remember forever,
most of it has been covered in a sort of darkness
one big blur, grey.

for the past 5 months or so ive been recovering from it.
things had finally gotten settled enough to start trying to live again.

and now today i finally realize i am back to that place
that place of pure happiness and excitement that i thought was long gone.
i have everything i ever wanted again, and so much more

i may not have the family i used to have, but what i have is just enough.
i love where i live, i get to see my mom everyday, my walls are covered with posters, i have a cat puring next to me.

I may not have the friends i used to have, but i have better ones
ones that share my dreams with me, ones that i can trust with everything, we have memories that will last life times, and a future that has so much more adventure ahead.

and something i have now that i never had before, someone to love.
someone to call mine, who listens and understands me in a way i didnt think possible, a truly unique individual that i feel so very honored to have with me


This is how its supposed to be.

come down now,

i sing out to you and wait for your reply
like midnight birds under the winter moon.
our unchained melody filling up the air and rising to the stars
maybe if we're loud enough one of them will fall.

we lie down face to face on the soft grass
the moon turning the earth the most lovely shade of blue
a color i only see when i dream, from beneath closed eyes
but now i have never been more awake, eyes wide open
your skin glows pale grey, sparkling with the stars
a beauty that so many will never see,
and what i cant keep my eyes off of.

you hold me closer as the wind sweeps across the field
i feel a small chill in my spine, but im certain its not the cold.
i hold up our hands, fingers perfectly intertwined
the color of polished stone, like an old statue
timeless and unchanging, despite the passing of years
i bring them down and place them between our hearts
the rhythm matching exactly, making every other sound disappear
nothing but our hearts, and the sound of your slow breathing
a song, with the warmth of your lips against my head, lulling me to sleep.

i awake to the light of the sun through my eye lids.
the world looks all new, bright and colorful
our bodies are covered with cool morning dew
collecting in our hair and eyelashes
making every blink look like tears, but only ones of joy
you smile your brilliant smile, making your whole face light up like a child
your eyes glowing with the sweetest kind of innocence
my heart flutters, as you help me up and pull me in for a kiss.
bittersweet, laced with the goodbye that we both are dreading.
i intertwine of hands again as we walk back towards the real world
out of the most magnificent of dreams

i watch a bird fly across the cloudless sky,
singing to the east,
waiting for a reply.

Rumored Nights lead to truthful heartache.

its hard to ignore the feelings that song provokes.
ones ive kept hidden from you and from everyone else
because no matter what, nothing will change
you cant go back in time.
its not my life to live.
but even if i had the choice, could i be strong enough to make it?
doubtfully.
my defenses are low.

im becoming more connected, yet more detached every second.

Never change.


I never heard the words that were spoken,
with the rumored night, with the rendezvous.
I never thought the whispers were true ‘til now…
I saw things that I shouldn’t have tonight,
I know now what I couldn’t have,
I’ve gone too far to turn it back

kill the monster.

for the past 4 days i have experienced all kinds of sickness.
i wont let out the gruesome details, but needless to say i am very happy to be over it.

i wanted to make this somewhat philosophical but im just not in the mood
i think ill just update the world on my life since i havent in a few days.

well i just told you i was sick so thats taken care of.

school started last thursday
new school, same people.
i hate it.
not much more to be said other than trustworthy people are hard to come by.
and viciousness has become a virtue.

i lost my breaking dawn book and unless i get it back soon im going to die.
actually screw that, someone stole it
i am not that careless with my life.

im in this strange situation where im becoming more detached and yet becoming more involved at the same time.
hard to explain, maybe ill have details later.


anywho,
i wish for things that are too unrealistic.
sometimes it breaks my heart
but i heal pretty fast.

your indifference is charming.

nothing of interest to say.
my mind is on hold.


dear operator,
how much longer please?

insomniac

i watched the sun come up over the houses this morning
painting the sky a lovely shade of orange
a color i barely see

i couldnt sleep again tonight
maybe its something about this place
too many dreams
flooding my mind and keeping me from unconsciousness
or maybe its just you.

time to kill but no weapons
waiting on the world to wake up.


goodmorning sunshine.